for ages I always got really angry when my aunt on my dad’s side came round to my house. I didn’t really know why I got so annoyed exactly, I always knew that she was pretty ignorant and racist but I felt like there was something more to it than that. I realised today though that there probably isn’t, it’s probably because I know she’s racist and I know her stance on it and the stuff she says and I can tell that it would apply to me as well. because she has no understanding of what it’s like being an oppressed group like that and why certain words shouldn’t be used. she doesn’t understand race and she doesn’t understand trans people either so if we had a discussion about my gender she would basically be saying the same awful stuff that she does about asian people and travelers and any other non-white person unfortunate enough to make her acquaintance

she also has friends and family who are dangerous, some of whom have been in and out of prison a lot for a whole range of things. for a long time she’s had to live with her brother who is a really awful violent criminal and if I were to go into all the things he’s done it would take a very long time that I don’t really have. the reason we have her over here so often is that she needs an escape from all of the awful shit they do all the time, and gladly she isn’t anywhere near as terrible as they are but she still makes me feel very uncomfortable.

tomorrow we’re going to stay with my mum’s family who are so, so much better and more comfortable and sometimes I may feel a little awkward around them but they always do their absolute best to be kind and welcoming and understanding, so, thank god for that, eh…

possible places I could live

  • bromsgrove or somewhere nearby - only really good because my parents are there and I know the area well, but it is easy to commute to birmingham I suppose
  • london because it’s basically the only place you can get theatre jobs and training and technical theatre is basically the only thing I have experience in. on the other hand, I hate living in london.
  • cambridge - it’s a nice place, and I know people living there. however, there are barely any jobs for the kind of stuff I want to do and this applies for like… most places other than london unfortunately

uh… the big issue is basically that if I don’t live in london it’s gonna be extremely hard to get a job doing what I want. but yeah, I don’t like london and living costs are ridiculously high to be living in a place that you don’t enjoy… haahaahahahaha

there are other places I’ve been to quite a lot that appeal to me like nottingham/derby and bristol, which are kinda similar to cambridge in that I know people there and I really like the place but. yeah. I just don’t know

this isn’t really worth thinking about because I can’t do much about it until I finish uni but on the other hand, finishing uni is only a few months away so it continues to bother me somewhat

everything on this blog is depressing which is bad

I can’t stand those kind of rough people who are abrasive to everyone, who think it’s fine to be offensive and rude and even abusive without any good reason, and that makes them strong, and I guess it does because they’re in such a position of privilege and power that they can do that without consequence or retribution other than maybe a slight slap on the wrist

Amazing how something can be fun and yet also make you really sad/angry/jealous

maybe whilst I’m on this blog I should vent about some of the other things that are bothering me but… not right now

the male branch doesn’t sound too good


The malebranche known as Graffiacane, the swarm lord, exists in the eyes of vermin throughout the Great Beyond is said to be able to turn friends into foes with his kiss.

this is a terrible blog with an amazing url